Yes, you, my sweet sister in Christ, a fellow perfectionist, a people lover.
I have been where you are. I have defined myself by my past failed relationships. I have defined myself by failed friendships, failed dating relationships and failed family relationships.
I LOVE people. I love their stories. I love their hearts. I love to build friendships and to really delve deep into gospel centered community. I love to simply be with people and fellowship. Whether thats sitting in my favorite local coffee shop, Just love (seriously check out their coffee, its amazing), or hanging out in our apartments at game night, or a weekend camping trip.
But sometimes I get sucked into the lie that I HAVE to be perfect in my relationships, etc. That I have to always say ‘yes’, and that if I say ‘no’ I will be disappointing my friends.
I have (and am still sometimes) tempted to let a failed relationship control my thoughts and actions.
This looks like:
Shame is telling myself, “I am not enough.”
And you know what? The AMAZING part of the gospel is that you CAN’T be enough, and that its OKAY because you DO NOT have to be enough! Because JESUS.
Because of Christ, when God looks at you, He sees Jesus.
He sees perfection! That is the GOOD news of the Gospel. Because God turned His face away from His son at the cross, He will NEVER turn his face away from you.
Your identity is NOT determined by your successes or your failures, it is ROOTED IN CHRIST.
I think this is really the KEY point:
IF CHRIST CAN FORGIVE YOU AT THE CROSS, WHY SHOULD YOU DEFINE YOURSELF BY YOUR SMALLER FAILURES?
i.e failed relationships, a failed test, a changed major…..etc
There is FREEDOM in CHRIST.
Every time you are falling into the lie that you are a failure, remind yourself this truth:
“I will be okay, despite my failure at ________ because my identity is in JESUS and not ___________.”
Tape it to your mirrors if you have to. Preach the gospel to your heart. In Christ you are loved, you are forgiven and you are justified.
Caroline (@caromedlin) is an author, creative + the founder of thegracescripts.com. She is passionate about women’s ministry + a firm believer in adoption. She is a senior at Middle Tennessee State University and currently calls Nashville home.