guest blog
By Amy Harrist M.A., LPC
As a refresher, we are exploring Romans 12, specifically, how to live out our call as Christians to “[r]ejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” In the last article we looked at how those who are mourning can still rejoice with those who are rejoicing. This article will explore how to mourn with others in the midst of rejoicing.
How to mourn with others, even in times of rejoicing:
1. Acknowledge your feelings: We need to acknowledge times we have mourned and struggled. We have all suffered and wrestled with God’s goodness. The more we are able to identify times of struggle in our life, the more accessible our empathy is for others who are struggling. This does not mean comparing your struggle with the person in mourning! Instead, it means intentionally and sacrificially entering into the harder emotions you have felt in the past to allow you to more fully enter into your friend’s experience.
2. Speak truth in the midst of your feelings: What a blessing to be in a season of rejoicing. Take time to notice and thank God for the ways He is providing for you. Bask in his goodness and the emotion buoyancy that comes with blessing and feeling near to God. And remember the truth that we are called to rejoice in the Lord always (Phil 4:4), regardless of our circumstances, because our joy is based in the Lord, not our circumstances. So, remind your heart that we need to worship the Creator, not the things he has created.
3. Deepen your self-awareness: Ask yourself, are you more likely to:
a. Avoid all negative feelings and conversations? If this sounds like you, ask God to help you enter into the hardship of this life and to give you to courage to be a light in the midst of the darkness. Look into what you are afraid of in the negative feelings and ask God to meet you there, that you may know Him more deeply and fully. Scripture is not shy about suffering – one third of the Psalms are laments, so clearly there is much we can learn about our suffering Savior as we struggle. The darkness is where we are more fully struck by the brilliance of Lord’s light.
b. Take on other’s feelings and then feel guilty about your own joy? If this sounds like you, ask God to help you enjoy the blessings he has given you and to be thankful for them. No one’s mourning has been lessened by someone being less thankful for their own blessings. Be there for the person in your life who is mourning, enter into that place with them, and bring God’s Word with you: He has comfort for the weary and hope for the hopeless- remind yourself of this as you speak truth in love to your friend (or sit silently, depending on the situation).
4. Remember mourning does not mean putting on an act: The goal here is not to put on an act of sorrow or mourning. Instead, we need to be genuine in our love. We may need to pray for a heart that is willing to sacrifice some of our comfort for the sake of loving others well. We may need to enter into difficult feelings even when we would rather avoid them. We may need to go sit with someone who is heartbroken even if we would rather do things that make usfeel happy. This is how we walk in unity and bear one another’s burdens (Ephesians 4:2).
5. Build Community: If we build community and have people around us who will rejoice with us, that often frees us up to mourn with others. If you feel encouraged and supported and known by others, then you are more likely to create space to mourn with those who are mourning. Keep in mind, creating community takes effort, discipline, perseverance through awkward times, and endurance, so this is worth cultivating in times of rejoicing, mourning, and the space in between.
6. Remember that mourning may not come naturally: The more closely related someone’s mourning is to what you are rejoicing, the more difficult it may be for them to consistently support you or for you to consistently support them. That does not let either of us off the hook, so we ought to pray for a softened and gracious heart as the Lord provides opportunities to engage. Remember that the Lord has a specific plan for each of his children and while these plans may look vastly different, they are no less purposeful. The Lord may want to reveal the depths of his goodness by softening your heart to struggle and pain in others.
7. Take a deeper look: If you don’t seem to know anyone who is mourning, take a deeper look. Given the fallen world we live in, we all have personally suffered and/or know those who have. Is your positivity keeping people from truly sharing with you? There is suffering and sin and loss and heartache in this world and no amount of positive thinking keeps that at bay. We have a Holy Savior and we are called to be a light in a dark world by extending comfort, being willing to cry with those who are suffering, and entering into struggles as Christ enters into ours. Being a light does not mean always remaining upbeat, rather it often means allowing yourself to feel grief, knowing that sin has lost its victory and death has lost its sting (1 Cor. 15:55).
8. Recognize that we can be both sorrowful and joyful: You do not have to banish all sense of rejoicing in order to mourn. This is not about working up the appropriate feeling of sadness. Rather, you honor God by being thankful for your season of rejoicing while also entering into dark places with others. We need to ground our hearts in the truth and be ready to speak it in love, regardless of how we are feeling in any given moment. Sorrow is not contagious just like it is not avoidable. If you are afraid of others’ sorrows and what it may trigger in you, you may be missing that to which the Lord has called you. Facing your own sorrow will increase your confidence in, and love for, our sovereign God. Avoiding your sorrow keeps you in bondage to fear.
9. Affirm that until Christ returns, we all have things to mourn on this earth: Practice realigning your perspective with the Lord’s. This takes humility and continuous reorientation to the truth, even (especially) if doing so contradicts our feelings. This is also a good time to check in on what we are rejoicing about: are we rejoicing because things have gone our way or because God is being glorified? Again, the answer is most likely some combination of both, so we confess our sin and walk forward in newness of life, praying that God will, even in this moment, draw our hearts closer to His and give us motivations that please Him.
I hope these thoughts are an encouragement to you in whatever season of life you are in. God is working all things for His glory and the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). As Christians, we are called to be different from the world; we have been commanded by Jesus to love one another as Christ loves us (John 13:34) – and while this is certainly not an easy task, it is one we journey in together. Let us continue to walk together faithfully in this life, mourning and rejoicing, as He gives us strength!
Amy (a Florida native) and her husband live in Houston, Texas with their dog and two cats. She earned a Master of Arts in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Wake Forest University and a Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy and Psychology from Wheaton College. She is an LPC and sees counseling as an opportunity to explore and apply theology in personal and real world circumstances. She and her husband have been struggling with infertility for over three years and are learning the depths of God’s love in the midst of prolonged waiting and pain. She loves to read, meet friends for coffee, cross-stitch, and do jigsaw puzzles. You can follow Amy on Instagram here.